Sunday, May 11, 2014

Tribute to my mom---revisited from 2008

It can be a long road if you have to face the world alone but most, like me, will never have to do that because their mother is always by their side or in their heart. Mothers are very special people that God created to keep this world moving in a positive direction. Somehow no matter what, under any and all circumstances, a mother finds a way to make everything seem better. Whether it’s a smile, a word or just her presence alone things that once caused pain seemingly disappear.
There is a special bond between a mother and her children that can never be broken. You grow up in her arms; she watches over you and guides you as you progress through childhood into your teen years. You grow up, you move out but her job is never over. She watches you succeed and then catches you when you fall. She listens and points in the right direction but ultimately she allows you to choose your own path in life. She sacrifices so that you may not do without. She feels pain on the inside but does her best to be strong on the outside. She sees both the good and the bad qualities that you possess. She is not afraid to address the bad but her main purpose is to emphasize the good. She never says no in times of need yet somehow accepts the word no from her children. A mother is someone that possesses a kind heart, strong will, nurturing soul, and a fierce desire to protect her children. Yes there are times when a mother and her children will argue and even separate for long periods but the love from your mother never disappears. Physically she may be out of your life but she can always feel your heart beat and you can feel her spirit in your soul even if you are thousands of miles away. Anger is a natural emotion that we all express and unfortunately we sometimes express it towards those we love the most because we know those people will never leave us. Mothers, in particular, suffer the most as a result but because they are so resilient and loving they absorb the pain and never retaliate. All mothers are very special people that deserve to be treated with respect and love.
My memory allows me to look back upon my childhood as a boy who could never be without his mom. My first memory is that of a shy little 5 year old holding desperately onto my mom’s arms as she went door to door selling Avon products. I looked to her for protection and cried when she wasn’t near. At the age of six I spent 14 very uneasy days in the hospital crying every second of every day for my mom. When I went to school for the very first time I had as many tears strolling down my face as she had. When death was explained to me I cried and refused to accept because I couldn’t think of life without my mom.
Though my mom’s presence always took the pain away there were times when her reaction to an event in my life made me cry. When I was 12 I was hit in the face at close range with a line drive while playing baseball with my friends. The impact of the ball left my face totally distorted. I broke my nose, blackened both eyes, loosened most of my teeth and split both of my lips. Now I was pretty dam scared but I didn’t get real upset until I saw the expression on my mom’s face when she first saw me. She very rarely let things upset her so I knew when I saw her crying that I was in bad shape. The funny thing is I didn’t cry because I was in pain but instead I cried because my mom was upset.
In the future I would make her cry several more times with serious injuries but I think I hurt her most when I got married at the age of 21. If my mom could have chosen the girl I was to marry it would not have been this particular girl. The indifferences caused me to believe I had to make a choice between the two. Somewhere in the bible it says there comes a time in a man’s life when he must choose his wife over his mother and I was certain that time was now for me. My relationship with my mom suffered over the six year period of time I was married. It suffered so much that in fact it has never been the same since. I have regrets but the past is the past and the only thing I can do is improve the future and hopefully regain the lost time with my mom.
My mom watched me make the wrong decision and then suffer for it but never once judged me but instead was there to catch me when I fell. She consoled me, comforted me but still allowed me to choose the path I would take in the future. The road I chose led me down another path away from my original plan in life. I lived alone for many years barely speaking to a soul but my mom refused to allow me to disappear out of her life. She could tell I was suffering but never fed into it. She recognized that I was beating myself up unnecessarily about my failed marriage. She took the time to discuss why I felt I failed and tried to emphasize my good qualities instead of allowing me to emphasize the bad. It took many years but ultimately she succeeded in helping me to move on. I regret the fact that I never acknowledged her hard work but I’m certain that the significant improvement I made has made her very happy.
My mom held me close in her arms, allowed me to make bad decisions, caught me when I fell, cared for me when I was injured, and consoled me when my heart was broken. She’s watched me run too far, worried when I didn’t show up on time and called when she could feel I was crying. My mom’s strong point is not words but rather actions. She has always been there for me when I’ve needed her most.
These words come from my heart and they are words that a card could never express. In my life my mom is the most important person to me and someone I will protect with my own life.

I love you mom and happy Mother’s Day. This is a very special day for all moms and I wish you well and hope you are able to connect with your children.