There can be no other direction but forward!
I have been silent for a few months and to be quite honest I can’t promise that after this post that there will be many more. I still enjoy sharing my experiences, thoughts and ideas but I have found very little time to do so. As the injuries mounted and the stress level increased I became focused on nothing else but improvement. I struggled to justify poor running performance after poor performance. I gave up fighting my injury and began accepting mediocrity while suppressing my true feelings. I finally retreated, saying goodbye to some while failing to even respond to others. I sat back to deal with my own feelings by reflecting upon the mistakes of the past so that I could improve the future. I took the month of December off to heal and to develop a training program that would start in January and culminate in a successful marathon in mid-March. I promise that I will never again accept a poor performance, a mediocre performance or even a strong effort but instead success will be gauged by achieving the times that I set.
As the days lead up to my first race of the year I will stay focused on my plan, remain confident, store energy and show no signs of outward emotion. I’ve faced numerous challenges and overcome most but since my injury in 2006 I’ve failed to raise the bar and overcome the biggest challenge that I’ve ever faced as a runner. I truly believe that my most significant accomplishment as a runner has yet to come. It will not be a race but instead it will be picking myself up from rock bottom and once again performing to levels that I find acceptable.
I’m not a world class runner, I don’t even consider myself a fast runner but still I am disappointed in how I’ve represented myself in the last 2 years. I want it to be fun but I also want to be able to continue to use the sport as a way to push my own limits beyond anything that I ever could have imagined. I ask myself all of the time…..Why do it if you don’t push hard? Where’s the success in being happy about crossing the finish line if you don’t give your all? Push until it is too hard to move the muscles in your face to smile, push until it is too hard to swallow your own spit. I don’t care that I’m not World Class and that I have no chance of winning a major marathon. I only care that I push as hard as I can possibly push myself. I demand a lot and I demand that I do better and will accept nothing less. I will be back and it will be soon.
Mom, Joe, and everyone else for that matter,
I promise when the hard work is over and I'm back where I want to be I will talk once again. I still care and one day soon I will once again share my stories and thoughts with anyone who shows interest.