Monday, October 15, 2007

Delaware 100 Race Report

Is it a fools game or is it a positive way to express emotion? Why do I continue to run 100 milers? Where do I get the energy? Why do I search for my limits and push to exceed? I’m certainly not special or talented in anyway but instead I have some deep heartfelt emotions that most can not comprehend. Everything that I do, say, and think comes straight from my heart. It is because of this that I truly believe that there is no challenge that I can not overcome. I can be knocked down and stunned for long periods of time but I know that I will rise again. I’m not superhuman but instead I’m a real person who sees real things and has real feelings and has dealt with real problems. I grew up in an emotional environment in which I did not partake in most of the activities but instead avoided confrontation while suppressing my feelings. My energy is generated from the past; a past that included harsh words, unnecessary judgment, and incorrect assessments of my behavior. It was a past that included a young boy who tried to survive not only his own mind but also the taunts of others. My goals were different than most kids my age as my only hope was to defeat the demons that controlled my mind. There was much fear brewing from within but I fought each and every day and vowed to one day defeat whatever it was that was trying to destroy me. I had very little help but the help that I did have was incredible. The help that I received came from my 5 year old little brother who suffered as much as I trying to understand that which could not be understood. I think of him and how he cared about me and I become emotionally charged. I think about the times that I was teased and I become emotionally charged. I think of being improperly assessed and I become emotionally charged. I think about how I was judged instead of helped and I become emotionally charged. I think of other little kids even in this world today who unnecessarily suffer with the same problem and I become emotionally charged. I lost many battles as a child but as an adult I will never lose another battle against anyone or anything without a fight. I may not be a very talented runner but what I lack in talent I make up for with intensity. This is what drives me, this is how I become energized and this is what fuels the fire that burns within.
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Blogger Lora said...

It's all about the passion within us, isn't it??

10:01 AM  

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